The bulk of the work has been thinking about how to deliver my seminars and starting to review the reading and prepare some slides.
My brain is exhausted and I don’t think I appreciated how emotionally draining I would find this …and I haven’t even met any students yet. I feel as though I can’t help but pour my heart and soul into these seminars and am conscious that my ideas have a tendency to be unorthodox- to put it politely or wacky might be closer to the truth. I am wrestling with how to devise work for my students that will really move them and force them to engage passionately with the issues. Its a balance between considering their physical and emotional safety and wanting to push them a little (but not too far) out of their comfort zones.
Obviously I want them to engage with and discuss the literature but more importantly I want them to really think about it and not just come to class ready to repeat what they have read. The other thing I am aware of is that it is not simply a case of education for the sake of personal growth, they need to be able to pass this module (and their degrees) with flying colours so focusing on the learning outcomes in each choice I make is imperative.
I’m also grappling with that sense of self doubt, that I didn’t know what I’m talking about, that my students will hate me and find my approach off-putting.
As much as today has been draining, I have loved evey minute of it. To finally be doing what I’ve always dreamed of doing has given me a sleepy sense of euphoria and the fact that I am finding it challenging tells me that this is the right thing for me to be doing.